Building Relationships through Play
Power of Play
A widely held belief in the extended youth development community is that supportive adult connections play a critical role in promoting the academic, behavioral, and psychological well-being of young people. Research indicates that even one regular relationship with a supportive adult can have a significant influence, even if a network of these relationships is optimal. Nothing has more of an impact on a child’s life than strong relationships, according to Julia Freeland Fisher and Daniel Fisher’s conclusion in their book Who You Know: Unlocking Innovations That Expand Students’ Networks.
It’s important to pause and think about the following grownup in your life: An instructor? A mentor? A guardian? A relative? There are people who have a big impact on our lives, and learning how this happened to us is a terrific way to start thinking about how we could impact other people’s lives in a similar way.
There are a variety of roles that adults can play in the lives of our children. They could serve as mentors, educators, coaches, cheerleaders, and representatives of the community’s standards and expectations. Adults’ capacity for positive role-fulfillment in any of these areas directly relates to their interpersonal skills.
Even though it seems very serious, playing together makes it simple to accomplish. Think about the following elements of play and how they relate to forming relationships:
There are little stakes in the game. Both adults and children can play Four Square knowing that it’s only a game and that the only goal is to have fun. In such a setting, we can unwind and let go of what the adults might otherwise desire the kids to achieve, which alters the nature of the interaction.
By playing, we can expand on our roles. We can give up our formal responsibilities in the world and just take part in Wall Ball as players.
Children are aware of their play mastery. A youngster can have a fresh perspective on an adult when they are allowed to excel at something, such as jumping to the finish line while the adult struggles more. The child may imagine that they can trust the adult in more important situations if they are ready to appear foolish.
To make sense of the world around them, people depend on their communities. For better or worse, we internalize other people’s sentiments and reactions when deciding on our own attitudes and we take other people’s responses into account when adjusting our own.
We Find Connection through Play
We learn how to negotiate the challenges of social connection through play. Play is one of the best ways to learn the skills necessary to be an engaged citizen of a democracy—a changemaker with the courage to act when she sees something that she can do to improve the world, the ability to work with others to achieve success, and the assurance that her voice will be heard—because it helps us to establish the foundations of trust and empathy. These encounters also help build the resilience required to deal with the difficulties of detachment.
Good social skills are necessary for building healthy connections, and having the chance to practice, make errors, and grow is a prerequisite for having good social skills. Students need play to master the socio-emotional learning competencies of self-awareness, social awareness, interpersonal skills, and responsible decision-making. We learn to manage social interactions by honing this set of skills.
Small Start
Play is one of the best ways to help us get to know one another, which is a necessary step in creating community. Therefore, an excellent game to help a group of people quickly and simply get to know one another is I Love My Neighbor (also known as Move Your Butt when played with older children, and Stand Up when played with adults in an auditorium). For younger kids, you will need cones for all but one player, positioned in a large circle so that players can see each other as they stand and touch their cone with their foot.
The person who is not wearing a cone stands in the center and finishes the phrase “I love my neighbor who” by adding a fact about themselves, like “I love my neighbor who has a dog.” Whoever ends up without a cone is now in the middle and makes the next “I love my neighbor” statement. All players for whom this statement is true must leave their cone and look for a new one; the cone directly next to you is not an option.
Students utilize Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who stays at the cone in the event of a tie when they reach a new one. You can substitute “Move your butt if…” for “I love my neighbor.” with this statement for older students.
And when I play this game for adults in an auditorium, I usually change it to Stand Up so that people may get to know one another a little better and remember what it was like to play, even for a brief while. In other words, “If you have any Justin Timberlake songs on your MP3 player or iPod, stand up.”
